FUCK THESE GHOST BABIES WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT DARK SOULS FUCK IS THIS I HATE THESE. THESE NEW LONDO GHOST WITCH LADIES SCREAM AT YOU AND THEN THEY MAKE THIS RANDOM ASS GHOST BABY SCREAM AT YOU BUT THIS GHOST BABY SCREAMS LIGHTNING. THIS BABY SCREAMS LIGHTNING THAT RUINS YOUR DAY AND IT DOESNT EVEN KNOW. ITS DEAD. ITS A TOOL TO THIS GHOST LADY TRYING TO MURDER ME WHILE I SCREAM. WE’RE ALL SCREAMING. ME, THIS LADY AND HER BABY BUT THE BABY SCREAMS LIGHTNING!!!!!! WHAT KINDA ULTIMATE FUCK YOU IS THAT NOT EVEN 2 YEARS OLD NOT EVEN FUCKING A L I V E AND THIS BABY IS SCREAMING MAGIC WHAT IS THAT YOU DONT PAY TAXES. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DEALING WITH. I HAVE TO KILL THESE BIG GUYS WITH SWORDS AND NOW I GOTTA FIGHT A GHOST BABY????? I CANT EVEN WIELD A GHOST BABY AS A CASTING ITEM IF I KILL ENOUGH OF THISE LADIES. FUCK DARK SOULS. FUCK DARK SOULS. FUCK THIS LIGHTNING BABY AND FUCK DARK SOULS.
you’ve all seen Listers, right? the self-published youtube documentary? about writing down the birds that you look at?
it’s subtitled “A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching,” an inaccurately voyeuristic title, because the glimpse is at Themselves.
two unemployed brothers (one an unemployed videographer, one nonspecifically unemployed who has a ferocious new interest in birds) decide: firstly, they are now birders. secondly, to start their birding adventure in a maximalist way by doing A For-Real Big Year.
what’s a Big Year? they don’t know, they just heard of it now. oh, what’s that? they’re going and seeing the greatest number of birds from Jan 1 to Dec 31 in the lower 48 by way of their shitass van. they also have about my own exact knowledge of birds, which is: there are bald eagles, great blue herons, crows, and a lot of small brown birds which are all called “sparrows.”
a youtube comment correctly remarks that it’s like watching oldschool skating videos, where you got maybe 480p of the finally-stomped kickflip down the stairwell, but the joy isn’t in that, it’s of the camera following the guy as he jumps into the bushes with three cheering friends. they are uniquely new to birding AND uniquely good at cinematography.
the documentary works because These Guys Love Birds. they love birds so much. they are signing up to rare-bird-sighting email lists. they are taking hour-long detours to find a kind of grackle that they later learn lives in every single gas station dumpster they’ve passed. they’re interviewing just about everyone they come across, from award-winning birders to a guy walking down a freeway. they have an instinct for jon bois style stupid-but-emotional bits—they are calling every defunct bird hotline in old birding guides to see if any of them can give them a tip about a local bird; or to see if any of them are still connected at all. they are making fun of quails.
this all works WELL. it is beautiful wildlife cinematography cut with handheld camcorder-quality ski bum video. it is what documentary is for.
stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.
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